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I watched "A Muppet Family Christmas" tonight on VHS. It is possibly one of the most classic Christmas specials ever. This would be the one where the gang shows up unannounced at Fozzie's mom's house for Christmas, and by "the gang" I mean practically every Muppet EVER. We're talking Rizzo, the Count, Big Bird, the Electric Mayhem, all the Fraggles, Statler and Waldorf, Oscar, Elmo (who at that point was just a random Muppet), Harry Monster, Fat Blue... you name the dang Muppet, and if it was around pre-1987 (that would be pre-Labyrinth) it's in there, except Sweetums and Snuffy for some reason.
Except, I couldn't let well enough alone. After all, one of my favorite Henson films wasn't represented. Hence, I present to you a codicile to the very touching, sweet, fulfilling Annual Carol Sing....
A Muppet Family Christmas Codicile
Just as Maureen the Mink and Piggy were discussing the importance of lavender silk elbow-length gloves, a cute little Muppet dived onto Piggy's lap, opening its mouth and howling loudly.
"Kermit," Piggy said through gritted teeth, "get this thing off of me!"
"Aww, I don't know, Miss Piggy," Robin said, patting its head... actually, it appeared to be entirely a head on closer inspection. "He's really sort of sweet."
The Muppet in question gave a little yipping sound, then tentatively licked Robin's hand.
"See, he's friendly!" Robin said. "Hey, lookit, Uncle Kermit!"
"What have you got there?" the older frog said as he came closer, then stopped dead in his tracks. "Gadzooks!"
"What's wrong, Kermie?" Piggy asked.
"Do you know who he is?" Robin asked as the playful Muppet continued intermittantly barking and yipping, not that Rolf or Sprocket could understand him.
Kermit nodded, his eyes bugging out... well moreso than usual... in complete shock and terror.
"That's Fizzgig!" he finally managed.
"Oh, well, what's the big deal about that?" Fozzie said, stroking the fuzzy thing behind where its ears should be. "After all, we put out an invitation for all the Muppets to join us at Ma's house for Christmas."
"Fozzie...," Kermit said, turning with controlled panic to look at him, "could you please define 'all' for me?"
"Gonzo and I looked through your address book and sent out the info for the party to everybody in it," Fozzie said, his brows furrowing at his friend's concern. "I mean, really, what could possibly go wrong?"
At that exact moment, the back door of Emily Bear's charming farm house burst open, and in stormed a group of horrifying black crab-like creatures.
"YOU INVITED THE GARTHIM!?!?" Kermit said, stunned as they began to pick up random Fraggles and rats, most of whom stared at the interlopers in complete shock. Grover was heard to say, "Oh my goodness, Mommy was sooooo wrong about the thing in my closet!"
"Don't blame me! Gonzo took the names A through M!" Fozzie said as the Garthim took out the large stack of dishes in the kitchen with their claws, sending the guy in the zebra-striped coat flailing down the hallway.
No sooner had Fozzie spoken than the entire group of Muppets (the ones who weren't currently shrieking as they were chased by creepy aliens from Thra) caught sight of a series of grizzly, twisted faces peering through the front window. Everyone's head (or heads in the case of the Two-Headed Monster) swiveled to Fozzie.
"Okay," he said uncomfortably, "since I did N through Z, I guess you can blame me for inviting the Skekis."
"Fozzie!" everyone yelled in chorus.
A second later, the front door opened, and there, silhouetted against the starry sky and white snow stood eight predatory bird-reptile things, their eyes glinting evilly.
"How nice of you to invite usssss, mmmmMMMMMmmmm," said the Chamberlain, eyeing the Turkey meaningfully. He picked up his train to cross the threshold and...
slipped on the icy patch, landing on his extremely ornate derriere.
"Ooof," he said, rising delicately and rubbing the offended posterior. "Someone should put rock salt on that."
"We keep meaning to," Ma Bear said with a shrug. "Come on in and set a spell."
"But... but!" Kermit said.
"Oh, lay off it, Flipper Face. It's Christmas," she said, chucking the Chamberlain on the shoulder. "You guys are a little late for dinner, but there's still plenty of egg nog left."
"Eeeeggg nogggg?" the Chamberlain asked as the Garthim Master slipped on the icy patch behind him, his robes going over his head.
Three hours later, a collection of drunk Skekis were hanging out in front of the fireplace. The Ritual Master was taking lessons from Marvin Suggs, trying to learn how to play "Jingle Bells" on the Garthim shells. Meanwhile, the Chamberlain and Grover were noting they had very similar voices, and the Garthim Master was kissing Emily Bear under the mistletoe.
"Fozzie," Kermit said quietly.
"Yeah, Kermit?"
"Remind me to fire you and then kill you if we live through this," Kermit said.
"Hey, I just saw SkekUng get to first base with my mother," Fozzie shuddered. "There's nothing worse you can do to me."
From somewhere on the second floor, the Podling band began playing wildly. As the camera pulls away into the distance, the scene looking rather pleasant, in the far distance the Mystics can just be seen heading towards the party. At the rate they're going, they might make it there by Easter.
MMMmmmmMMMMMerry Christmas.
Except, I couldn't let well enough alone. After all, one of my favorite Henson films wasn't represented. Hence, I present to you a codicile to the very touching, sweet, fulfilling Annual Carol Sing....
Just as Maureen the Mink and Piggy were discussing the importance of lavender silk elbow-length gloves, a cute little Muppet dived onto Piggy's lap, opening its mouth and howling loudly.
"Kermit," Piggy said through gritted teeth, "get this thing off of me!"
"Aww, I don't know, Miss Piggy," Robin said, patting its head... actually, it appeared to be entirely a head on closer inspection. "He's really sort of sweet."
The Muppet in question gave a little yipping sound, then tentatively licked Robin's hand.
"See, he's friendly!" Robin said. "Hey, lookit, Uncle Kermit!"
"What have you got there?" the older frog said as he came closer, then stopped dead in his tracks. "Gadzooks!"
"What's wrong, Kermie?" Piggy asked.
"Do you know who he is?" Robin asked as the playful Muppet continued intermittantly barking and yipping, not that Rolf or Sprocket could understand him.
Kermit nodded, his eyes bugging out... well moreso than usual... in complete shock and terror.
"That's Fizzgig!" he finally managed.
"Oh, well, what's the big deal about that?" Fozzie said, stroking the fuzzy thing behind where its ears should be. "After all, we put out an invitation for all the Muppets to join us at Ma's house for Christmas."
"Fozzie...," Kermit said, turning with controlled panic to look at him, "could you please define 'all' for me?"
"Gonzo and I looked through your address book and sent out the info for the party to everybody in it," Fozzie said, his brows furrowing at his friend's concern. "I mean, really, what could possibly go wrong?"
At that exact moment, the back door of Emily Bear's charming farm house burst open, and in stormed a group of horrifying black crab-like creatures.
"YOU INVITED THE GARTHIM!?!?" Kermit said, stunned as they began to pick up random Fraggles and rats, most of whom stared at the interlopers in complete shock. Grover was heard to say, "Oh my goodness, Mommy was sooooo wrong about the thing in my closet!"
"Don't blame me! Gonzo took the names A through M!" Fozzie said as the Garthim took out the large stack of dishes in the kitchen with their claws, sending the guy in the zebra-striped coat flailing down the hallway.
No sooner had Fozzie spoken than the entire group of Muppets (the ones who weren't currently shrieking as they were chased by creepy aliens from Thra) caught sight of a series of grizzly, twisted faces peering through the front window. Everyone's head (or heads in the case of the Two-Headed Monster) swiveled to Fozzie.
"Okay," he said uncomfortably, "since I did N through Z, I guess you can blame me for inviting the Skekis."
"Fozzie!" everyone yelled in chorus.
A second later, the front door opened, and there, silhouetted against the starry sky and white snow stood eight predatory bird-reptile things, their eyes glinting evilly.
"How nice of you to invite usssss, mmmmMMMMMmmmm," said the Chamberlain, eyeing the Turkey meaningfully. He picked up his train to cross the threshold and...
slipped on the icy patch, landing on his extremely ornate derriere.
"Ooof," he said, rising delicately and rubbing the offended posterior. "Someone should put rock salt on that."
"We keep meaning to," Ma Bear said with a shrug. "Come on in and set a spell."
"But... but!" Kermit said.
"Oh, lay off it, Flipper Face. It's Christmas," she said, chucking the Chamberlain on the shoulder. "You guys are a little late for dinner, but there's still plenty of egg nog left."
"Eeeeggg nogggg?" the Chamberlain asked as the Garthim Master slipped on the icy patch behind him, his robes going over his head.
Three hours later, a collection of drunk Skekis were hanging out in front of the fireplace. The Ritual Master was taking lessons from Marvin Suggs, trying to learn how to play "Jingle Bells" on the Garthim shells. Meanwhile, the Chamberlain and Grover were noting they had very similar voices, and the Garthim Master was kissing Emily Bear under the mistletoe.
"Fozzie," Kermit said quietly.
"Yeah, Kermit?"
"Remind me to fire you and then kill you if we live through this," Kermit said.
"Hey, I just saw SkekUng get to first base with my mother," Fozzie shuddered. "There's nothing worse you can do to me."
From somewhere on the second floor, the Podling band began playing wildly. As the camera pulls away into the distance, the scene looking rather pleasant, in the far distance the Mystics can just be seen heading towards the party. At the rate they're going, they might make it there by Easter.
MMMmmmmMMMMMerry Christmas.
