Really brief ficlet

[bookishwench]

Over at read_hp, someone mentioned how bizarre it would be to hear Snape reading "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish" aloud to a kindergarten class (long story), and this came out of my brain.

"One fish," Snape said, his voice unctious, his eyes glaring at one little boy who had been in the act of pulling a little girl's pigtails. The child withdrew his hand as though burned. "Two fish."

"Sir," asked another little girl, "What are the fishes' names?"

Snape stared at her for a full minute until she began to wail hysterically.

"Now," he said, "unless there are any other useless, idiotic questions, we shall continue with the story."

The children's eyes were enormous.

"Red fish," Snape entoned, pausing for dramatic effect. One small boy leaned forward so far from sheer nervous tension on the multicolored story rug that he was in danger of toppling. "Blue fish."

Snape shut the book with a lightning-like crack, and the book disappeared.

"And then," he added, a smile slowly curling his lips insidiously, "the giant squid ate them."

The children were stunned into silence, their eyes still enormous.

"And that's what happens when you're not a green fish in Slytherin house," Snape explained. The silence continued. "Well?! Why aren't you writing that down!"

"We can't write yet, sir," one girl explained, though she looked terrified.

"Oh," he said thoughtfully. "I suppose that will have to do as an excuse. And now..."

He stood, and the pink and green painted bear on the storytime rocker somehow managed to look deeply frightened.

"Snack time. Where are the Goldfish crackers?"

Comments

[blueanddollsome.livejournal.com]

And that is what's known as a sheer delight. I could imagine it perfectly. I *heart* goldfish crackers.

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

That was just perfect. David and I read it together and were both snickering madly.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

I ... love you. And want to have your intrawebs babiez.

I've never read one word of HP (although Fandom Osmosis has aided me in absorbing the essentials) and I could picture this perfectly in my head.

[spikendru.livejournal.com]

I loved every line! Just the thought of Snape reading to kindergarteners was surreal eough to make me laugh, and then . . . the giant squid! Slytherin house! Whyaren't they writing it down? The terrified rocking chair and the Goldfish crackers. Bwahaha! This was wonderful.

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's funny. He's traumatized the poor dears for life.

[misswitch.livejournal.com]

Oh dear lord, that is just too, too funny.

[venus-blue.livejournal.com]

::dies and is dead::

::thoroughly dead::

[bookishwench.livejournal.com]

Oh, you KNOW Snape has a whole shelf of Seuss stuck behind Moste Potente Poisons.